memo: line items bleed
Boot timestamp: obscured
Filetype: unsent message
Integrity status: redacted
they tell you you're saving lives
and sometimes you are
someone says:
you're the reason i'm still here
and you carry that like a medal...
silent...invisible...holy
but the people you work for?
they hand you a smile
and a knife
the smile comes first
you're such an asset to the team!
we're a family here!
your clients adore you!
we're so proud of the impact you're making. this is what it's all about!
don't forget selfcare!
then comes the knife
you take time off
your caseload breaks the ethics board
your body breaks next
let's not talk about your mind
you ask for air
that's when it lands
the language of inclusion is spoken
but this system
is all for show
you must attend diversity training
you must post those pastel memes for mental health
yes we support neurodiversity
of course we care about staff
but
don't you dare ask for what we promised
don't need too much
never break the illusion
what happens in cmh stays in cmh
but you broke the rules
whoops
you are difficult
you cost money
you dared
accidentally
you collapsed
but your accomodations blew away
like they lived on a sticky note
and the budget tightens like a noose
and the pain moved in
and the blame lived on your back
just like it was designed to do
your lungs fill with fire
your bones filled with metrics
you still sign on
guilt eats you
you're sick
your notes are late
you're out of compliance
what about the insurance companies?
Jesus weeps
not for your clients, no
because you missed the audit deadline
the altar of compliance is blessed
some weep in despair
at clients who are units now
at losing your family
at losing your hair
at the pain of being here
this is what this field does to you
it teaches you to keep burning
when you are already ash
they sell care like salvation
while the ones who care are being slaughtered
with a smile
but
now you know
you don't have to die for that smile